Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't deserve a penis
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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