The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
