took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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