Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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