her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
