just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
