i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We are all done wearing pants today
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
