Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
