found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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