The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
