im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
