Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
