'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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