this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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