I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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