Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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