carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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