if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
