i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
