he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
