I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
