eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
