guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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