so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
