Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
