so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
