he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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