I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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