That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize