Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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