And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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