but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
