i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
