Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
