We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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