but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
