Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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