3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
