Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
