The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
