she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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