Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
