So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
