meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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