He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize