Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
