How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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