I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
someone owes me an orgasm
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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