I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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