i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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