don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We need to get me chipped asap
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
