Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
