you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize