I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
