The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
