I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
