Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
