I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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