My first STD was from a foam party
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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