i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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