...so i touched it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
