I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
