You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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