im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
