I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
