it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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