Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize