I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
