eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
