my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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