the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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